Invisible

Do you ever feel completely invisible? I’ve been feeling invisible for a couple of months now. Today I feel especially invisible. There’s something disruptive emotionally about not knowing I for instance have no idea what’s going on with Polaris or whether Polaris left for the army today. Since he’s not responding to my text messages wouldn’t expect to hear from him and no one else seems to want to give me answers. You don’t need answers when you’re invisible because you don’t matter.

I wanted to post a happy blog post, but I also feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to so the few readers I have out there get to “listen“. I’m so tired. I feel like I have nothing left to give. I’m currently laying in the dark in bed, speech to texting this on my phone. It’s found myself wondering if there’s even a point to the existence. Why would a person continue on in a world that doesn’t recognize them? It’d be so much easier to lay here and go to sleep. But like the forever kind of sleep.

I know that that sounds a little suicidal and I promise that I’m not. It just feels so hard to keep going on with all of this pain when it feels like I’m doing it for nothing. I know that I’m just sad and depressed and anxious today and the world won’t feel like this tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll wake up. I’ll get dressed. I’ll work. I’ll put on a happy face and pretend like everything‘s fine because that’s what I do. And if I keep pretending, then everything really will be fine eventually.

Until then, please be safe. Please be nice to yourself. Please remember that you are amazing and you are always enough. Love, Zuzu.