Starting Over…Again
Starting over seems to be a theme with my life. Not only am I starting over with the blog, but I’m starting over with figuring out who I am and where I belong.
The divorce petition for Polaris and I was submitted to the court today. In 90 days or so I should be an unattached woman in the eyes of the law. Let’s be honest though. I haven’t really been attached since I got cancer and Polaris started to push me away. When we got together he told me that his number one deal breaker was cheating…but he’s the one that broke that rule. We aren’t even divorced yet and he is already engaged to a teenager in his home country (she’s 16…which is the age of consent there…although she was 15 when they started talking….).
What’s interesting to me about our relationship since he has been in the States is that I found I was living in one of the Chinese dramas I love to watch where the the jealous mistress/first love does everything she can to villainize the wife/girlfriend and continually threatens to kill or hurt herself to keep him engaged. I just hope that the karma of those movies part comes true for them. Sadly, choosing her has alienated him from his whole family and ruined a marriage. It’s been really hard for me to watch her manipulate him. He won’t listen to anyone, so he is just going to have to learn this lesson on his own. I hope he does before it ruins him.
Now it’s back to the dating pool….we all remember how that went last time. This time, however, I am stronger and not willing to let myself be an option or be with someone who can’t respect my boundaries. I had a movie date the other night and kicked out the person who came over. I don’t think that “please keep your hands above the clothes and north of the belly button” is too much to ask….but the third time his hands went where the were supposed to I kicked him out. No means no…not push your luck. And since he kept trying to kiss me when I asked him not to two nights before that we will not be seeing each other again.
Presently I wish I could afford to sell all of my stuff and move somewhere else in the world. Like Spain or Italy to teach English….or China or Japan. Or that I could move to Australia and work at a kangaroo preserve or operate the boat for Great Barrier Reef dives or live with the Tasmanian devils. Dreams are free, right?
That’s all for now. More soon. Until then, please be safe and be good to yourself. It’s crazy out there!
