Buzzing

There’s a buzzing under my skin.

And it’s time to cut my nails again.

I find them digging in

to get the buzzing out.

It’s pushing from inside with fear and doubt.

Will I ever be enough?

Will I ever be loved the way that I love?

Is there a way out of the darkness…

to the light up above?

Sometimes the buzzing hurts so much,

And I know all it would take

is one sharp shiny blade,

but that would be a huge mistake.

Or would it?

I close my eyes and pick up the razor

One small slice on my leg.

Not deep enough to scar

but just enough to let the pain out.

Watch it run down and drip on the floor

pooling into a puddle

of darkness and despair.

What color is the pain you ask?

Red red red

and such a beautiful shade.

I put the blade down.

I open my eyes.

There is no cut.

There is no blood.

The pain is still there

buzzing

buzzing

buzzing

relentlessly buzzing.

But not as strongly as before.

Tomorrow was a new day.

Perhaps by then,

the buzzing will go away.